To Live Is to Lose

You didn’t have to say it but you
Said it anyways while I was
Working out equations on the couch
I took it on the chin instead of wearing it
On my sleeve, I grinned and beared it
Cause I believed that I could turn it all around

It was so draining
I was never quite invisible, just something you ignored
Don’t blame me for wanting more

Now I take
Every inch that I am given til I break
I must be sick
Cause no matter how much I get of something, I can’t get enough of it
Still I try to
I used to think that I would never have to choose
Now I know to live is to lose

Showed up to the funeral
He had the nerve to speak to you
I hated him so much my body shook
It’s not like me to bite my tongue
Or make believe that I am done
Obsessing over everything he took

It was so unfair
Using cruelty to make himself feel tall
But standing there, he looked so small

Oh my love
I don’t think that we could ever be enough
It might be time
To cut and run and find a way to make do
Even though we’re not doing fine
I’ll try to
It’s just that it was something I never thought I’d have to choose
Now I know to live is to lose

I cleaned my blood off of the floor
And reattached the shower door
You slept it off like any other night
I watched your chest rise with your breath
And wondered on my happiness
At three am I turned off the light

It was so ugly
To think I’d wasted my best years all along
But now I see how I was wrong

When we die
I hope they dig a hole and put us side by side
I hope they won’t cry
Cause I found that what I needed was reflected at me in your eyes
I’ll be true
Cause now I understand I’ll always have to choose
And I know to live
To love, hate, and forgive
Now I know to live is to lose